it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
