I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
