Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
