Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
