hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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