Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
