i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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