when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize