Im at strip club and am horny
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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