guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
