if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize