I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
love makes seman taste better
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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