the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize