got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
