I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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