As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
