I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
