Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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