I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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