There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
handjob tips. give me some.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
