There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
