I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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