If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
