hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
