I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
