I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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