We won't sleep together?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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