new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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