But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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