After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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