I'm really into asian looking animals
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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