my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
