I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
