My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize