i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize