He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
