you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
