ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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