i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
