so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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