Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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