So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
