I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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