i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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