bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
