Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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