No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
