Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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