I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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