Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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