god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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