so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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