Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
