And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
