none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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