did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
