if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Who died my cat blue again?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
