he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
