The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
