she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
