Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
