Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
