suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
