I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
