im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
