that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can text with my tongue
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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