I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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