I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
