Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
