i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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