____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Houston, we have a squirter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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