I want to walk on stilts...naked
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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