he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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