I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
