dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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