If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
