yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
