You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
