omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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