Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
