pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize