It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
